Sunday, November 28, 2004
While on field training, I was assigned to observe a senior member of my team for a whole day. I've heard people say things about him being a condescending know-it-all, which didn't exactly make me look forward to that day, but what the hell. I figured that nothing could go wrong as long as I kept everything professional. He was two hours late, and he was no Casanova, but the morning went reasonably well. We kept our conversations purely businesslike, and I tried to make the most out of the day by learning as much from him as I could about the job. This isnt so bad, I thought. I can take this. That is, until lunch came and he tried to make small talk with me.
"Do you like to watch movies?'
"Yup."
"So what kind of movies do you like to watch?"
"Anything, actually, as long as it isn't Steven Segal-type action or sci-fi."
"I bet your favorite type of movies are girly romance movies."
"What makes you say that?"
"Well, you're a girl, aren't you?"
Not wanting to be labeled as the bitchy new girl, I just tried to force a smile even if I almost choked on my lunch. I told myself to calm down and discreetly changed the topic.
"So, are you into sports?" (Thinking that talking about sports would show him that I wasn't a typical girly-girl.)
"Yup. I play basketball. What sport do YOU play?"
"Badminton."
"Oh, badminton. The fag sport."
"Come again?"
"Well, it's no challenge. Tennis pa siguro, pero badminton? I won't even break a sweat."
I could almost swear you could see the fumes coming out of my nostrils.
"Then let's play sometime. Let's see if you don't die from exhaustion after I'm done with you."
I am not normally arrogant, and I will be the first to admit that although I am a decent opponent, I am not the best player around. At that exact moment though, I wanted to shove my racket down his throat.
We live in a liberal society, where women are no longer judged by the wealth of her husband or her ability to cook a meal. Women are now free to pursue careers of their choice and are no longer confined to the dictates of society. I am very grateful to have been born into this generation, where voting is a right and not a privilege, where women are given enough esteem to be trusted with some of the most powerful positions in business and government, and where a woman is no longer off-limits to the concept of having ambition.
There are times, though, when I experience moments like this, that seem to be taken directly from the dark ages. I am not a hardcore feminist who hates men and want to wipe them off the face of the earth, but there are moments when I almost wish that I live in an all-female world... or at least makes me wish that I were a lesbian.
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
"Are you lonely?"
This question was posed by a friend during one of those 'just-after-lunch-I-am-so-sleepy-wish-it-were-5:30-already' moments. Having grown accustomed to being surrounded by a semi-boistrous herd of all our other friends, the sincerity of the question and the tranquility of the moment took me by surprise.
"No," came my automatic answer, while my mind reeled, thinking hard whether or not it was entirely true.
"I am."
The look of raw emotion on her face struck me. It took a few seconds before the conversation sank in. Was I lonely? No. At least, I didn't think so.
I haven't been with someone in a while. Although I do date, my last relationship has been a while back. I admit that I miss being one half of a couple, but I would much rather be single than settle for a guy who isn't compatible with me. I would choose to spend a night at home over going on a horrible date.
I miss liking someone. I miss the kilig feeling of spending time with someone you really like. I miss having someone take care of me. Is there a shortage of likable guys in the world?
Oh well.
Monday, November 15, 2004
Kookie was here last night, and due to boredome (and something else), we decided to meet up with a doctor friend of mine at Robinson's Place (Manila). We shrieked at the thought of going to Rob, because it was less than a block away from where we went to college, and we knew that walking around the place was going to bring back all sorts of memories.
The three of us ended having coffee, dinner, a night stroll around Malate and drinks at our former favorite bar. It amused me that both Kookie and my doctor friend acted like old friends by the end of the night, although they only met a few hours before. It wasn't hard to do, since we came from a small campus (well, relative to our Diliman counterparts), and we new a lot of the same people.
Malate used to be an after-chorale-practice necessity, and we would be found there almost every night, getting hammered. I was a bit emotional when I saw bar after bar, each possessing a memory that made those years the best (and worst) of my life. It amused me to remember that on a certain Remedios Circle bench, a friend came out of the closet. I smiled to myself when I passed by an old coffee shop where we would go after a night of serious drinking to sober up before going home. I laughed when I saw the stand-up comedy bar when we would usually go when we wanted to be amused. Numerous heart to heart talks, college parties and old friends flooded my mind. It was one big emotional rollercoaster ride, which we three were happy to flush down with a couple of bottles of beer after.
Walking around Malate made me both miss the past and thank God that I have moved on. Reliving the past is always nice, but I wouldn't want to re-live it. I am happy that I have gone through what I have gone through, gotten to where I am, and kept the wonderful friends that I have. Growing up was inevitable, thank God.
Thursday, November 11, 2004
When meeting new people, you tend to put your best foot forward. Most of the time, strangers are the people who get the best version of your personality. When it comes to the people you are closest to though, is it ok to lose sense of social decency? When does "close" become "too close for comfort"?
They say familiarity breeds contempt. Unconditional patience and love is the hardest thing to give.
About the Author
I have quit trying to figure out the inner workings of God's mind. I have learned to just sit back and enjoy the ride.
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